Chose and Chosen.

Does the walker choose the path, or the path the walker.

when

when will my freedom come?
and is it really true that
you miss, just so you find the right one?

Z A V

bitter heart~ bitter heart~

smitten again!

i found eye candy! from the media this time..
oooh so cute.. but.. only meant for the eyes.
nothing more till fate permits and frees me from my baggage.
*shrugs*

out

some things in life are simply:
1) out of reach
2) out of control
3) out of league
4) out of freak nature
5) out of sight
6) out of budget
7) out of stupidity

there are always things outside our limitation.
guess it'd be more productive to do the best to try to reel them in.

forensics rock!

woots! i love forensics!(other than bridge and mahjong.... ^_^)

new songs

suddenly found lam fung songs nice

blind

i am blind.
i cannot see what is ahead.
i cannot see who's around me.
i cannot see who they really are.
i cannot even see who they are.
because i am so blind.

it's sad to know sometimes you are just not a friend.

Remember

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_67zVnK9PY

the daily prophet

you know about the daily prophet.
the newspaper in the world of harry potter
they have this moving picture that really freaky
it's a bizzare and weird staring at them..

and now they have invaded the muggle world..
seeing ppl with moving display pics really freaks me out...
eekkss..>.<

blur

i braved the rain and suffered a 1.5 hour journey just to find that my paper is 8 hours later.

exams

time to stop ranting and start working.
sigh.

sigh

sigh.. i suddenly recalled some stuff..
and i now know the lesson.
dun ask around for scores.
cos
1. you won't get an ans
2. if you score bad, ppl will just hush hush and coo you that it's ok.
3. if you scored not so bad, you'd get shot for it.

either way, you suffer.
SO, pray they publish the mean, median and range on ivle.
ivle won't penalise you no matter what,
esp when you are genuinely asking around.
cos ivle is not human and is not non-trusting.

fire!

time to make the breakout and dark rings worthwhile!
after that, we'll deal with the courage and confidence issue.

(blub)^500

just sink me.
blub blub blub blub..................

small world

just got a friendly reminder of how small this world is.

anyhow i still cannot let go of the fact that i am ignored!
sigh...
must do something abt it...
really must!!!!

chance meeting

i think i met someone i knew just now in sch..
but then again i am not quite sure.

exams time!

as always, the anticipated time of the year. i just wished i had enought energy to last through the years.
but as always what little amount i may gather always end up getting sapped cos someone always try to do something stupid and make trouble for me.
sigh.. when will you learn when will you learn when will you learn.
what is not yours, isn't.
even if you want to keep it forcibly, dun attempt stupid things that will only help you lose possession FASTER.

i figured.. i dun really have anything.
so in other words, i dun have anything to lose i guess.
ignorance is bliss.
so hopefully you can live with it.
and frankly, there are some things you must live with.
or there will be many others where you will have to live without.

PHC

i figured the only thing that i would want more than the daily cuppa is...
the peppermint hot chocolate.
it keeps me sane.

I'm out of here

sigh.. shouldn't waste time waiting.
should spend the time on doing revision.
I'm out of here.

lessons learnt

i learnt a lesson today
dun bother coming to sch.
why? cos by the time i reached,
the lecture i aimed to come for has finished,
the ppl i need to meet have either gone, gone missing,
or gone uncontactable.

Moral of the story, either come way before the stipulated time, or dun bother at all.
else, dun stay in the east and try to come to sch in the early morn, plus
pray hard hard hard hard that there will be no more 8am lessons every single day.

Mogget

When Mogget woke, Astarael cried;
Then Ranna pealed, and whiskers dried.

Alone

sometimes i prefer being left alone..
like many times mentioned before,
i find solace in solitude more often than comfort in company.
that's the hermit i am i guess.. *shrugs*

Mentor

I wished i recalled this earlier.
i guess the best gift i can ever have is to have a mentor.
but such is hard to come..
oh wells..

Respect

I suddenly recalled, what ms wong said..
something like
to gain respect from others, you must first show respect.
despite being bo chup, i think it's high time for me to learn to show respect to others.
no matter how great i think of them,
how much of a filth i portray them to be.

being cynical is one thing, but it should not interfere with the functions of day to day life.
like i think all smokers should die immediately,
but i must also acknowledge the monetary contribution they make that help to keep our streets lit at night.

sianded

I dun expect life to be a bed of roses.
but i cannot stand this..
when stupid things happen
cos of stupid people
with stupid reasons

i got the lab report today
they were all below average.
and there was one i put in thought, logic common sense hard work
and came to a rationale conclusion.
but. it had a fundamental problem.
non-compliance.
i ranked in accordance with the methods.
i explained the pros and cons.
i chose the methods.
i explained my choice.
and voila!
because i did not present it in a format that was idiot proof.
like put in big big words and tabulate with emphasis
i got penalised.
plus i was said to have wrong calculation
cos i rounded off and the TA couldn't recognise that.
10.1 and 10
hello!
conclusion + stereotype = too much curry and prata makes you dumb.
i am swearing those off.

tried to get my hair cut at the sch salon, and they nicely told me:
sorry, we're fully booked.
with one customer waiting for her treatment to complete, 2 senior staff not doing anything active
and at least 6 empty seats and 20 mins before the next appointment
they are fully booked.
well done.
wish you all the best.

Good Thur!

Joy to the world!
"Christmas Arrives in Stores 29 Oct"

That's it.
This season, it's starbucks for exam study venue.
it's starbucks for catching up with friends.
it's starbucks for chilling away the hot afternoon.

i'm am not going to start the day without my peppermint hot chocolate.
(maybe i should aspire to buy a store for myself! =P)

small world

it's really a small world after all..
where everybody knows everybody though somebody.
it's kinda scary, and kinda warm sometimes.
let's see how things turn out shall we?

i'm screwed

i'm screwed because i gave up.

mundus

sometimes i struggle
between aspiring to be great
and to remain mundane.
perhaps it would have brought me greater consolation
if i were a hidden gem in the rocks.
but somehow, i think not...

bdae

i suddenly have a wish.
it's for yu to celebrate for me.
i guess it would be the best gift i'll ever have so far,
only 2nd to the silently mouthed "happy birthday" i received.

vortex

seriously..
i regret getting drawn into this vortex.

petitbateau

everytime i see that blog,
everytime i see that pic.
i am reminded of the distant coldness..
what do i have to do to make you love me?
what do i have to do to make you smile?
it simply hurts when i am simply ignored.
and not given a chance to fill your void..
or will Fate grace upon me when i am truly ready?

no number of eyecandies can replace you.
i dun even know what else can quite replace you.
the place in my heart belongs to you
it shall be taken, or forever empty.

obligations

i am sick of obligations.
when the fortune teller told me i was on a lucky streak,
i almost wanted to tear down his signboard.

smile

for so long, it had only been meant in the context of lily allen's song.
but today it was different.
smile was purely smile.

dead

i can see ppl giving up on me

Mogget!

I want to be like mogget.
else i want a mogget

U.D.D.E.R.S.

i crave the ice cream from the west mall outlet

Mosrael

what can revive me?

20

well done.

Spent

I'm over.
I'm spent.
i know the day will come that i have burned myself out.
just that i didn't think it would be today.

i have lost all spirit.
i have failed the test of courage today when i was asked a question.
just a simple comment.
one that i had ready swimming around in my head.
yet i couldn' just spit it out.
all i did was freeze.

i am truly sapped of will.
i have no wish to do anything.
Because of this, I am now afraid.
For now I am not afraid to pass on.

bear

shall try to bear as much as possible.
suck it up and keep quiet.
act blur live longer..
siam girls no trouble... =X

oops.....

something tells me i must have accidentally wrecked the plans of another.

don't understand

i really don't get the thoughts of girls.
i don't get their motives,
i don't get their rationale(if any)
i only know that when anything happens,
i get shot not knowing why or whether i deserved the shot.

rue the day

mark my words.

bitchy

i know not everyone is nice.
not everyone is supposed to be nice.
it is not an entitlement.
but it is a great gift to have someone nice around.
and for that i am thankful.

as for the ugly truth about the un-nice ones..
sometimes i really dun get what runs through their head
so what is it that they seek?
the cheap thrill in the split second when they insult someone?
or the ego boost that comes along with it?
or the psychological need to assert their self worth only through this?

these ppl, just be wary.
just pray you are not near me when i'm on a war path,
or worse, feeling bitchy.
else you'd prob wished you weren't born.

vicious tongued

sometimes i dun get what runs through the minds of these ugly bitches..
who cares if you are from hua chong and is reading a double degree?
who cares if you have been playing bridge for a damn long time?
i definitely don't.
so it's to your best interest that you watch what you say.
cos it's not worth it to tempt a scorpio's sting.

birthdays

it's that time of the year,
where the birthdays cluster.
i've been tasked for one.
but of course it isn't my own.

anyhows,
to be completely honest and frank.
i really dun feel having anything done for my birthday.
no more ritualistic foods.
no more obligatory gifts.
no more hazy post-bday accounts.
just a quiet day passed.

i know what i want,
but freedom
simply cannot be bought off the shelf.

Morbid

A morbid thought suddenly dawned over me and i found it interesting.
what thought is this you might ask..

ppl do nice things on birthdays.
be extra nice to the birthday kid.
send the kid presents, get a cake, go for a meal.
ppl wishes the kid happy birthday.
the friends do.
the organizers do.
the acquantainces do.
the passerbys do.
some wish in celebration.
some wish in formality.
some wish in mimicry.
everyone be/plays nice.
it seems to be conspired in such a manner one wat or another..

but has it ever been that..
for one birthday
everyone conspired to perfectly ignore the birthday kid?
and everyone means literally anyone.
no one sees.
no one hears.
no one acknowledges.
no one remembers.
it's as if the kid had never ever existed.

this would be interesting to see.
cos in this:
we either see truely, how lonely this soul is..
or on the contrary how rich in spirit this soul is,
that so many would go to such lengths for him/her.
it would be a sight to behold,
and a lifetime to remember.

hermit?

i am sick of all these dealings.
cos i am sick of hypocripsy.
that's y i choose to keep myself down.
i am not good at maintaining superficial relationships
and i am not planning to take up a course one that.

guess there is a price to pay when you only give it up for the ones that matter.
you get less "friends" but the Friends you get are true.
I consider this worthy.

Guess hermit is really the way for me..
though it's a little old fashioned.. or even ancient.
but i think it should still be applicable now.
范蠡waited. why shouldn't i?

abt giving up

i suddenly recalled what dr henry lee mentioned at his lecture.
that no matter how things are,
try your best and dun give up.
know your limit, but believe and persist.
only then can you "make it possible with the impossible"
a recurring theme in his lecture.
it was not about scientific knowledge, the lecture.
it was about life.
his way of life.
of how he came to be.

a valuable lesson this is.

what i cannot stand most I

accusations is the top thing i cannot stand.
cos the result of accusations is that i get blamed for something that has nothing to do with be.
and i get the aftermath of the blast from it.
like some one can have a bad day, then somehow i end up getting shot
though i never knew how i contributed?(perhaps by "cos i not better than you, so everything you do is bad in my eyes and spoils my day")
or i get shouted at by my mum just cos i din want dinner
(and a cascade of unfounded assumptions that followed)

all these are so absurd!
i really cannot comprehend how calling someone for a favour to help me collect something i left behind(just cos it happened that i knew that particular person was at the place where the item was) could do so much.
i really cannot comprehend how not going for dinner must have many underlying reasons that i never even thought about(just cos i want to rest at home and rest instead of going for dinner since i wasn't hungry)

so they think they are all knowing?
get a life or just roll over.

brokendown

i am broke;
i am broken;
i am down;
i am broke n down;
i am broken, down;
i am broken down.

owing

how come is it that i always seem to be owing ppl?

promotion

i think it's time an advance is coming..
cos everything else is crumbling.

gravity

suddenly, everything's going downhill

pure breed

half bloods are always 2nd rate or outcasted =(

barrage

and so the barrage begins

initiation..

a rippling effect..
making this feel so much like an initiation.
guess i better prepare my speeches and explanation.

paths

i shall tread the path
on which i have the right of way

secrets

there is no such thing as a secret.
it's only a matter of who knows what happened.

i can only hope things won't end up in ultimatums

gg

tree big attract wind.

Die....

now it lies in the hands of many many.. >.<
paper cannot wrap fire.

scary

is honesty the best policy?
i think not.. for the sakes of wagging tongues.

scary women

after watching jia hao yue yuan...
i think i should start to be wary and protect myself..
dun end up like zu ba..
though i think i am halfway there.

N97

OMG.. the N97 sounds so yummy..
wished i could change to that..
wahahahahahaha..
think my phone plan is ending soon..
and it's time to change handset! woo hoo!

saved by the bin

a moment of embarrassment!
fortunately, nobody saw me..
else i'm so gonna be blacklisted due to stupidity

i was going to SP tutorial, and i needed the toilet.
so once the lift door opened to the 5th floor,
i quickly dashed out to the toilet.
but something was amiss..
there was no urinal
so fine! i went to a cubicle..
but there it was.. a strange looking bin that i never quite seen before.
then i realised: the room's colour is abit unusual too!!!
alas i exited with lightning speed...
i had apparently went into the ladies.
only saved from embarrassment by the weird bin.
who knows what would happened if i ignorantly stayed and used the facility >.<

out

out of sight, out of mind;
what of:
in sight, in mind, out of reach?

DIE

i just realised that pharm analysis test is tml.
gg...

answer: infinity

First there was "He's Just Not That Into You",
then there is "Ugly Truth".

How many does it take before the girls get the idea?

PS: Men should stop shooting themselves in their toes.. and look for trouble.

Lucky

Lucky is the reason i'm unlucky.
Thanks Jason M'raz =)

wants vs needs

i guess the diff between wants and needs is:
without needs, you cannot survive;
without wants, you cannot live.

i dun get what i want.
think i am nt ready for them yet.
i can only see them float by me..
or are they actually within reach,
and i should simply reach out?

Smitten

To each his own.
and now i know what's mine.
too bad it's something beyond my reach.
hope fortune take fondness of me,
and grant me the wish =)
I'm so smitten!
Fretnot.
damn.

desperate

it is at this time,
i can almost hear the voice of Mary Alice in the background,
just like how she narrates for desperate housewives.
where her words highlight the forgotten spots in the ugliness of human hearts,
and where our turn blind to, while we willingly let ourselves drown.

grace

Grace
is only meant for those who don't deserve it.
Else, it won't be grace.

For those who deserved it is called
Retribution.

you know what?

nobody is entitled to the concession that
when something bad is happening,
you shall be exempted from further bad things,
and any retribution you might have incurred.

stablity

i'm not good at stability.
i'm not good with stability.
yet i seek stabilty.
is it really human to want something they cannot have?

sometimes i rather be a dark machine.
just silently working in the shadows.
where no one sees me.
no one finds me.

Nothing

Sometimes i just feel that it's ok for me to die.
There is nothing for me to hold on to anyway.
I feel the a neglible invisible grain of sand that i am.

The persons dun really care.
That is the sad truth.

stand ground

lost?

for work,
i gave up things. i let go of things i shouldn't have.
and the best part, i'm not getting anywhere;
cos i'm simply letting the current drift me where it goes.
is this the right path for me?
time to start swimming?

PLEASE!

will these ugly freaks just roll over and die...

black friday

yest was not friday the 13th,
but it sure was a bad day.

the cost of non-courage

forensics lecture was informative and interesting yesterday.
i just realised the prof was actually taller than me!
and it was a she, not a he from some angmoh country!
amazed.
for the 1st half she took the seat beside me, all the way near the back of the lt.
i had to admit i had the jitters.
for the whole lect i simply concentrated on my own notes.
scribling furiously from time to time.
then the next half just got more interesting.
it was on crime scene management.

as usual, names were called and questions asked.
and in the end, the lecturer gave up, and decided to have volunteers.
and she asked a simple question.
i knew it, but i kept quiet.
the first attempt gave the wrong ans.
then 2nd gave the right one, which was identical to what i had in mind.
but.
what is the use of being right?
when you dun have the courage to fight for it?
in the end,
the wrong ans and the right ans both got a prize
and a positive mark.
well done.

moral of the story,
it doesn't matter whether you are right or wrong,
is how you fight for your case, however wrong you are.
when you win it, then you are it.
and ppl will go along with ya.
who cares if you were right all along.
ppl will still douse you with their foolish waters.

merlion

i shall not touch chomp chomp oysters for at least 2 months
finally revisited the place after so many many years..
it was really a long while ago
back then it was just a place with low ceiling
with lots of heat and smoke
and i could only recalled my parents ordered orh luah
and other stuff to go along with
what nostalgia (or reminder to some ppl how old i am)

i took my cough syrup there.. cos i felt the cough coming for a relapse
and i try to avoid the food.
in the end i still succumbed..
i at a few bits here and there
and finished the oysters.
apparently i seemed the only who would eat the oysters
this is obviously a point for regret.

i felt sick..
real sick.. and queasy.
i spent the whole night keeping down the vomit after that..
(i mean not cos of what was within my front view, mag was pleasant)

thank goodness ym came and saved me.
i drove back asap and the first thing i did
puked out all the bad stuff i had taken in
(together with the unkind comments that some ppl spout without going thru a brain)

i guess that wasn't all.
after i drank water, i puked.
i woke up uber early in the morn i puked.
then later in the morn i puked again.

and they were all bitter! damn...
i recognise the colour of bile when i see it.
i think something is bad.. real bad..
that bad that it irriated my guts!

sigh.
in short, yest was not a good day.
minor conflicts,
delibrate discord,
unkind words.
what is happening to ppl nowadays?

or i think it's just me.
i am stupid cos i expect ppl not to be jerks
cos i expect them to look past ego.
cos i expect them not to be fubar sometimes.
and in life, it doesn't happen.

differences

the fool only recognizes the direction of difference.
the veteran recognizes the direction and magnitude.
The wise recognizes the direction and magnitude,
but appreciates that it summates to a constant.

workaholic

i suspect i'm a workaholic.
cos i dun have a life.
i'm not thirsty for news abt ppl enough.
i'm not online to do browsing enough.
i'm not social just to seek comfort enough.
i'm not aware of outside things enough.
therefore i dun have a Life.
ironic isn't it you would ask?

not mean

i'm not mean.
not median.
definitely not the mode.

i am not the best;
but i hate "i told you so's".
be it spoken or resonating silently in the background.
cos it's a sad sad situation by then.
if only there were more courage at first.

Ego

Ego is such a evil thing.
it creates obsession.
it gives you strength.
it grants you fervor.
it brings you out of your safety;
then it shows you reality.
by now it would have been too late.
you try to learn flying;
or plummet down trying.

But who am i to speak of ego.
i have the stone in hand yet i cannot cast it.
for it had been said let he who has no fault cast the first stone.
I have haven't been faultless.
But I shall cast when I was faulted.

which one is it?

is it the physical beauty
or is it the possible future
that left me a trace of regret?

anyhow,
what's done is done-
and cannot be undone.

monkey

i felt like a monkey today..
while i was picking something out of a klasmates hair..
>.<

working hours

i seem to have working hours that are unusual.
i seem to work better the in the wee hours of the night..
which is not such a good thing when you have to wake up at 6 everyday for lessons..
my oh my.. what am i going to do?

tuesdays

If i were ever to miss sch, tue is the last day i choose
for obvious reasons.
it has the most things going on.
most number of lectures,
other activities such as gym,
cca... dups are always on tues

i never pon tue.. in fact tue is the only day i'll be around in sch
if i were to come for only one day..
but today..
i broke the tradition =(

a dry cough incapacitated me.
the only thing i have in mind now is to breathe freely..
went to the doc at the polyclinic
the moment i mentioned i was going to see the cos for the dry cough,
i was awarded a red sticker...
sigh..
at least the service was relatively fast.
when i saw the doc
it was a simple diagnosis.
she simply says it cos of an allgery resulting in sinusitis and
the back flow of mucus irritates the throat

that doesn;t quite help
i still need to breathe with effort.
sigh.
old already more ailments.. sobbies T_T

better

i think life is much better now..
cos we dun really have to be that bothered
by the things/ppl that aren't worth it
i'm trying to see more of the good company
and have less of the bad company.
hurrays!
just that too bad, sometimes there just happens to be a day or time
we bump into the bad ones
too bad.
shrugs
just let them bend over and die.

sigh

curiosity kills the cat.
too bad.

ugly ppl

the theme these few days seem to be it's all fair.
you can't have all of the best qualities.
if you are smart, you would be lacking elsewhere..
in perhaps social life?
if you are wealthy, you would be lacking elsewhere..
in perhaps cosmetics?
it's all fair in the end.

and so for that double degree bitch that tried to sabo me.
i'm not surprised; you must have a very high cap and very good bridge skills.
good luck to you.

I worn by all these senseless ppl in this sad mad world.
no more playing nice. no more.
not even one drop of it for the pathetic fools that aren't worth a dime.

sci fac

i attended the forensics lecture the other day and
i am reminded yet again why i cannot stand sci ppl...
no wonder they are in sci =X

sytycd

So I wish I can dance.

eyecandy in sci fac

i couldn't believe my eyes this morn when i saw an eyecandy this morn at sci fac!
think should be from med cos of the red "pump it" t-shirt.
wahahahaha..
good day!

-beautiful insanity-

falling slowly

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along


i'll take the boat even if it's sinking.

bleach

it seems slow but i seem to be getting caught on the bleach craze..

but the protangonist always remind me of this someone..
a someone whom i've never got a chance to know...

shallow vs superfical

seriously between the 2 i cannot decide which i can't tolerate more.
guess i rather ppl superfical then shallow


or maybe neither.

Jasmine

i think she's right...
if i make 3 post in one day,
then prob there will be more to come...
=S

tolerance

i realise:
i have low tolerance for ugly ppl and they ugly ways.
and when i say ugly, i dun refer to physical form.
refer to my previous post.

hide

i realised something.
ugly ppl hide themselves.
and they are ugly because they are hiding.

mad world

when people run in circles...

moods

i think it really shows..
like how the jolly mood can infect the others
as with the sorry mood.
ppl receive the jolly mood better
but sadly, it's not always the case for me.

tired

simply unmotivated to reach out.
i need some zest in my life please.
and some peace as well.
take away all these noise from my life for a while.
i need to rest

wake me up when september ends.

stardust

i've watched it again yest
hbo seems to be replying forever and ever..
which is good for me.. since it's one of my fav(other than the devil wears prada)

but it's also a movie i hate..
reminds me of aged history i dun wish recall
the star's radiance both warms me and burns me
it's a mark to always remind me of the lesson

never step beyond the line
i hate pantalaimon

you were on to me and all over me

smouldering

sem seems to be always like that
and the sickening fact that we have to come for 8am lectures almost everyday
just means that getting enough sleep is gonna be a luxury
how i wish all my days start at 2pm

then again, it's not exactly the amount of sleep i get
nothing burns me more than emotional drain
from politics
from strained relationships
from things that are uncalled for

nowadays, lightening events are very very rare.
sobs

09/10

new sem new start
the whole air is so diff..
it seems to get more homogenous now..
quoting cwl, the interparticulate space is greater than before..
and hence greater viscosity...
and it is now harder for the particles to move past one another..
we're all locked in our locations?

maybe it;s SP1203's fault for splitting the class up into 8 factions.
with the staggered timetable and stuff, it's hard to coincide break times..
worse, we have long breaks with nothing to do other than sulk in a corner.

and the dynamics has really changed
in a way i have yet to fully see..
but i shall silently keep watch
just watch and observe, disappear where neccessary
does no good to be whirled into the dirty business of others
those with their own agendas and plans
sick.

watching for daggers

it's so tiring to have to always watch my own back.

same same?

sometimes when i hear others talk abt somebody,
i can't help but wonder would the same happen to me?
that someone somewhere is talking to some other ppl abt me in the same way?

ok

ok simply means "i'm not going to say anymore to you"

like...
how is your day?
ok(dun ask, nothing to tell you about)

how is he?
he quite ok lah(i dun give a damn about him so please dun ask me anything and expect me to say anything about him)

how is my act
it's ok =) (that means i'm not gonna tell you how i really think cos i was checking out the hottie on the other side OR it sucked and i'm too nice to break your fragile little heart)

meetings

i realised how hard it is for any particular 2 ppl to meet by chance in this world.
it seems even harder for 2 ppl suited for each other to meet.
what happened to all the good ppl.

SS

i'm reminded of my singer friend who introduced me to this term.
i'm rather embarrassed that i din know about this till then..
but.. it stands for stir shit.
it's something ppl do for leisure.
some do it for some ulterior motive.


frankly, i sincerely not hope that had turned from present participle to past tense.

sad mad world

this is the reason why i emo.
this is the reason why i feel lone.
this is the reason why i rather be alone.

it's a sad mad world out there.. where it is hard to trust anybody.
everybody has their own agenda.
somebody's always watching something.
everybody's always waiting for their chance to pounce.

be oblivious and do nothing;
then be prepared to be swept away by the undercurrents

sick and tired

i'm really in a bad mood today.
and i know it.
sorry peep for being a grumpy old man(whether you sense it or not)
and sorry for the offences inflicted directly or indirectly.

i'm just tired and about to fall sick soon..
it's coming and i know it.
sigh.
shall keep my peace for as long as possible lest i offend more ppl.

suggestions

hm.. stan sounds like a good proposition =)

camp

had flag day today..
uber tired...
totally hate flag lah.
but still gotta do it.
it was sweet to have a good rest right after that.
and i had a good dinner at engine!
i think i like engine western the most! haha..

name!

i'm seriously considering an english name...
dun think i look like a Jeremiah,
thought i have a friend who insists on calling me that..
Andrew seems nice.. but dunno if i'd fit..
any suggestions my dear friends?

ps: pls no Alvin, though he's a chipmunk too.

Rest!

i'm sick
and i'm tired.
but i cannot bail when it's coming close!
i must pull through for all it's worth,
and chiong throught this last week and make it a blast.
it's not my own.
but for pharm.

then at the end i shall get my sweet sweet rest.
just desserts. =)

always check, never assume

a classic case of dun always trust others to do their job
got screwed up by the vice cap today.
thank goodness 2 other members came to my rescue.
there were miscomms and stuff.
but the most infuriating thing was that i was only told the last minute that we din have enough players!
i dun care what your mentality was
" i thought we could not postpone.. yadar yaday yadar"
it was glaring obvious you were hoping to just let it pass
and constitute a walkover.
you, obvious cannot see a bigger picture.
reminded me of the incident of going up with the ace to no good ending.

if i was informed in time, then
there were many more things that could be done.
though prob they were out of reach of your little mind.
just for your info, no one person knows what to do everytime,
thats why we have a team!

watch and learn boy.

back with vengeance

i swear i shall return leaner and meaner.
anyhow i think i have to agree with what ivan says.
somehow i feel we are meant for greater things.
just keep waiting. the time will come.
watch out! all you worthless blokes...

waste

transient

it's funny how human relationships are..
the only thing that is constant is change.
everything is simply...transient.
the good and bad never stay the way they were.
guess this works both ways.

empathy

sometimes i wished i could empathise fully with you..
but something inside stops me from going in too far.
cos i know once i sink in, i won't be able to come off clean.
what can i do? tell me please... i really wanto know..
i hope a lucky coincidence can place the guiding stars on the path i'm supposed to tread.

OMG

OMFG!!!!!!!
i cannot believe my eyes...!!!!!!
woo hoo!!! yesh yesh yesh!
i was right!
woo hoo!
i knew it all along and this friend had to tell me no...
and insist it was not true!
but now i have proof!!!
woo hoo!!!!!!!!!!

scorpios

i think scorpios are amazing creatures..
they really are =)

IPPT

booked my ippt on 29 Aug
really hope i can make it..
and for all you friends out there..
please please remind me about ippt everytime you see me
breakfast lunch dinner supper..
please please please..

must train hard for it!
time to hit the gym after rag

ooops

i think i just stepped beyond the line..
damn!

Pork

I just recalled the hilarious episode last nite...
where i have accidentally been referred to as Pork...
somone pointed to the plate of pork infront of my and shouted "pork pork pork!"
and from another angle, it seemed to be pointing to me..
sobbies...

hilarious

had an expensive day..
cabbed 4 times in one day.
xiong sia..
but but but~!
hey hey! it was all worth it
i felt bad i was so hungry i sat down at fei cui and i just started to eat.
but the gang was like uber funny lah
esp nicholas...
at first i thought he was some quiet quiet boy..
who know the moment the time came..
he was actually some funny monster lol! =P

anyhow guess i should have been more careful with my words..
could have easily offended anyone who wasn't in for some hardcore teasing >.<

hiphop

was youtubing earlier
and browsing thru some choreo videos..
just suddenly rem someone who i'm not keen to recall..
that someone happens to be a hiphop dance instructor..

geeky peektures!

hm..
cam whored a lil..
trying to check out the angles and poses..
hahah... i am such a vainpot lah!
but this is all for the greater good..
am really sick and tired of looking horrid in pics
so i have now taken the 1st step out and try to look my best on pics!
yayayayayay!!!
haha.. finally got a few decent ones.. hehz..

anyw.. i think i'm into the geeky look >.<
ah...!!! somebody save me!

steamboat!

settled!
tml steamboat buffet at crystal jade!
yes!
hahaha... i love crystal jade!
but i'm gonna be late cos of my tuition.. =(
but but but.. better late then never!
xiao long pao here i come!!!! =D

hai

you know what.
i'm just whining.
that was all politics.
part and parcel of life, whether we like it or not.
just suck it up and go la.

ugly wagging tongues

it's funny how i cannot fully express myself on my own blog.
how i cannot vent some things cos some people will see.
and of these some ppl, some nosey ones will go around telling.
and the ones who hear dunno how to deal with it, so they'll be
a) worried or
b) pissed or
c) guilty or
d) emo

not everyone knows how to appreciate silent observation.
and not everyone knows how to deal with friction pertaining to themselves.
and not everyone knows how to deal with friction pertaining NOT to themselves.
they simply "do a good deed" and tell the person in question without any thought.
way to go blabbermouth.

high time to get a private blog.

arrrrgh~!!!!!!

sigh..
why can't people take me seriously....
and answer when i ask...
why can't people take themselves seriously...
and think for themselves...
sigh..

anyhow while i understand how everyone has their own likes and dislikes,
i cannot accept how some people try so hard to influence a decision that was never theirs to make.
and it's baffling no one makes the decision when they ought to make one.

beyond the skin

all that is gold does not glitter
nor all that glitters is gold

choices

leap into the darkness or stay and slowly rot?

surreal

i cannot believe this...
but hey, we all humans made of blood and flesh.
not hearts of iron..
now i'm in a dilemma...

maturity

i know my own place... i really do...

intuition

i dunno if it is intuition or what..
or maybe it's an illusion..
i can quite tell yet.
i anticipate and yet i hate to be disappointed.
the principle shall forever stand.
what will be will be.

growing up

it's only when you realised you dun fall for the same mistake again,
that you realise that you have grown.
it may be an overnight thing,
but it shall feel like a long long time...

i'm not ready

maybe that's why my life is so sad.
cos i'm not ready to receive the good things are may come my way.
i have no courage to go for them
no courage to get rid of the burdens pulling me back..

i pray for courage.

ill still

the dry cough has now transit into wet cough
but at least the throat is no longer irritated.
good sign! yay!

anyw, i'm reminded of how un-photogenic i am..
sobbies.. all my pics all look so weird
and i can't seem to be able to smile nicely..
oh well guess i'd have to do some prac on my own...
gonna cam whore when i get my cam back!!
woots!(this kinda reminds me of jason playing oom-cici in front of the mirror)

and yes, i must get the plan working in full time.
exercise more(dance counts)
and i need to do something about my face...
must strive to be like one of the Kiehl's boys!!!!!!

oooosh!

ill

having a bout a dry cough..
a complication from the wisdom tooth erupting(yay! i'm getting wiser)
from gingivitis to sore throat..
all cos of infection..
went to a doc of course.
and it was so ex...
the consultation was ok, but the amoxycilin was uber uber ex...
hopefully i will be up and running in 2 days time as the doc promised =)

on the way to tamps where the clinic was,
i almost died of dry cough..
trying hard not to scare the passengers around me,
i just tried my best to kept quiet =S
but.. i was doing all the weird hand actions here and there cos..
i know this sounds crazy,
but looping Hot'n'Cold suddenly inspired me to choreo a mass dance for it.
wahahaha.. think i'm driven nuts by all the 5 6 7 8
lolz..
hope i can come up with something decent soon =P

ps.. dun ask me when it'd be done hehe...

superficial

as much as i hate to, i confess:
i am superficial.
i am vain.

anyhow i'm beginning to appreciate looks..
and how it somehow silently squeezes to somewhere near the top of criteria?
i also now realise why i like lauren weisberger's book so much.
cos i can empathise with it.
not that i'm a high life socialite.
it's just i can't help but to agree with what she says in her book.

like...
friendly means available and desperate.
just had my dose today.
at how some ppl just dun get the signs(eg. when face says i am not interested)

like...
in socialising nobody gives a damn to what you think.
to keep a convo going, you jsut keep asking questions.
extremely effective.
though it is a very different case for sincere friendships, it works like a charm in social.

all the snippets she borrowed from life and put into her story.
they all tangible.(not totally real since it's fiction)

i guess i like what's really tangible. =)

fat

for once, i really feel the weight on me

bitch

you know.. i confess;
i love it when bitch inside me is out =P

scorpios

i think they weren't kidding when they say scorpios are predisposed to emo. the fact that i keep repeating Gravity is not helping...

tech glitch

i dunno why but the window for composing posts look so weird.. really gets me irritated when these tech glitch happens.
drains the feel out of me...
sigh.. looking at the posts i just made it seemed like they were posted for the sake of posting.. but oh well... kinda happens for most posts on events. arrrgh...

toyo~!

went timbre with the toyo kids after sp nite. the bad was not bad.. but i thought we were..
had the normal drinks, and i kinda couldn't take it when i realise that our kids were all so guai. they all dun drink, except maybe kenneht.
and the girls, all need to home early.
then again, the next morning we had to meet at 10am la..
kinda regret the timbre thing cos it wasn't quite right.
anyhows, we had rounds of truth or truth. and nobody knew what to ask anybody. damn... no juicy news
haha.. but at least we got to know more abt the kids. maybe one day organise a drink gathering where we bring our own alcohol =P

went for sentosa the next morning..
and it was raining with a dark overcast sky.
as i was waiting for the bus, shuyi msg, the time postpone to 1130!
i was like oh no.. damn i'm already out and what am i to do for that 90mins!!!!!!!!!
luckily she revoked it.
but as usual, ppl were late and we reached sentosa at abt 12+
it was normal. frisbee was ok.. and volleyball was fun!!!
haha next time should play more volley ball =P
after lunch we went to try the skyluge.
it was my first time at it..
and i must admit, the ride up is uber wlos....
but it was worth it to ride down.
i only wished the route was longer..
got the hang of it very quickly, with all the cornering and stuff, overtaking ppl.
haha.. i think next time i can try go-kart(anyone keen?)

had lunch at koufu. aunty shuyi (shamelessly) led some of us to the 7-11 to get hot water for our bei bei mian. something i never quite thought of. it was a good idea nontheless.

sat there and talked kok most of the time.
poor shuyi got shot alot.
everything she did she kena suan..
haha..
but guess they all love doing it cos shuyi's reactions were cute somehow. haha
we continued the truth session,
asking the 3 that din join us at timbre the night before..
i suffered bad karma when my question of "how far have you gone" got shot at myself...
i was frank.
i dunno if i shocked the kids when i told them "as far as you can think of on the normal side".
and frankly, not that they care abt this la, but i doubt they really would imagine how far it was.. and i'm not exactly proud to share. so. yeps.

feeling bad

went for sp night on tue..
was simply there cos i felt i had to be there.
i was totally not prepared for it..
cos i thought i had no sp, and that the guy whom i stood in for the other time prob would be coming do dione would be alone.
who knew the fella din come.. and i became the sp.. sobs..
that was my bad lah, should have prepared something..
she got me a pack of chocs but i had nothing for her, plus... i din even go talk to her.
damnit, i felt like a total jerk.

opening up

i dun know why but i seem to be opening up lately..
becoming more receptive to emotions.
wonder if that is a good thing or bad..

anyhow, i'm stuck with gravity.
it's a song that i really dun hope for anyone to identify with.

folly

i kinda just realised..
going to club to celebrate shuyi's bdae is kinda stupid..
isn't exactly a good place for something like that.
guess we'd have to come up with something better!

anyhow i appreciate the friends that care and really would tell the truth.
what sort of a friend sees something wrong with another friend and keeps quiet.
friends dun let friends err.

long sun

well just another weekend day passed.
had a bridge match in the afternoon.
met an uber nice opponent.
talks gently and stuff with no bad temper.
enjoyed the match well.
though we weren't enjoying victory,
we had good play =)
today's challenge was more on bidding then cardplay.
it was about getting to the right place.

then went for harry potter..
nothing remarkable about the movie.
it's just another movie.
like it's really a movie that happens have the same name as a book with a similiar plot
that's all.
it's not, like inspired from the book,
not a spin-off,
not a reiteration of the book.
just another movie.

cadbury eyebrows

OMG!
i must be crazy... but..
anyone wants or knows how to do the cadbury eyebrow?
=P

lily allen

her songs are good.
not exactly in the musical sense..
her tunes are unique thought not yet so fabulous.
she has a style that is so glaring and it's obvious in each of her pieces..
but what really gets me is how nude the lyrics are.

her songs aren't nice nice feel good sort.
in fact they highlight the disturbing and unspoken truths
open secrets that people see but refuse to acknowledge.
this is real. really real.

stunts

stunts happen alot in our lives.
it's funny sometimes, esp when it is a result of stupid acts in a moment of folly.(like calling chun yi which is chun yim plus shu yi in the xian zai you xi kai shi game)
it's cool when you can pull it off though(like the lift)
i really hoped to do the stunt well.. but it just doesn't seem to go too well..
it just doesn't feel right.
but...
i have my saviour!!!!!
wahahaha..
Thanks Val!!!! =D
she was uber nice to find the video and post me the link.
and i saw what i din do right for the stunt.
no wonder she did fly higher lah!
dumb! but since now i know then i should be able to perfect it soon.
try out then i know.

anyhow, hope i din piss jh off too much when i teased her abt the a****n thing..

sunshine cleaning

sunshine cleaning has no sunshine..at all!
watch sunshine cleaning the other day..
thought the plot was good.
plus they had emily blunt. one of my fav actresses(merryl streep is #1)
the movie started out slow,
with the protangonist being portrayed as very pathethic.
which really worked..
i mean isn't it pathetic to fall from the high sch glamour,
sleeping with your ex, who is already married and sleeps with his own wife.
that's virtually sharing your man.
unless it's purely for sex, no self respecting person would want this in their life.

then came the turn.
she went into crime scene clean-up
from simply clearing up the place,
to the occasion where she sat with an old lady whose husband just died of suicide.
it seemed like she has taken her career to another level.
like she is different from her peers in the trade, that she has a heart.
but that was only one occasion.. nothing more...
i was abt to rate the movie good..
but after that it just died..
an accident, burning down the house of a client ended her in heavy debts and she reverted back to her old job.
well done.
and the ending?
her dad suddenly sold the house to raise capital for the her to start the business again.
and whatever happened to sunshine cleaning. The End.
when the credits rolled i was like thinking wtf.

rag prac #2

apparently, rag has taken up alot of my time.
not that i dun enjoy it
but i'm just day in day out going for rag =)

but i can't help but feel stress for the rag com
cos time is short obviously.. and i really hope we can pull tgt in the end =)
anyhow, the afternoon session is just slack i guess..
maybe cos i a henchman, so when weiting is teaching the workers,
then the henchmen just stand around and watch
really wish we could revise the moves(or maybe we should have had taken our own initiative)
and danced along with the rest.

stayed back after prac today to watch the night session and help out for float.
really feels good to be contributing.
it kinda affirms my worth, which is a feeling i like.
hope i can do more. for more ppl. for my friends. =)

gravity

by sara bareilles

heard this off the blog of someone.
someone who'll always be at an arm length away.

most guy dancers are gay

today we had a lil small talk.
anubis, the plague queen's hench(wo)men (3/5) gathered around for some small talk.
and sue lynn was commenting on how the guy dancers in ensemble are almost all AJ(not anderson junior college, and no offence intended. it's simply how it is termed)
at the back of my mind i was thinking how true it is..
how the guy dancers that i know of are either confirmed aj or well.. most prob are.(my intuition tells me so and dun ask me how i know, and who there are, i won't out them.). and i refer those who are really dancers, not freshies who come help out for rag every year. i simply haven't know one personally who isn't aj. though i have to admit i dun really know many dancers and i have seen some who have girlfriends and prob are straight.
anyw, sue lynn was saying how all aj people have at least a tinge of bitchiness in them.
this.. i agree wholeheartedly.
there isn't an aj person i know of who doesn't have a bitch inside.
yet there are girls that i know that don't! imagine that.
but jas thinks not; she thinks all guys have a bit of bitchiness inside of them.
and both sue lynn and i disagree! and we both defended the guys.
no, not all guys have a bitch inside them.
you will see when you've seen enough.
as for the bitch in every aj guy part...
hehehe....
anyhow, stay clear of bitches. unless you have a bitchier bitch inside to unleash. =)

money

sigh..
i really hate this issue,
but really this is sometime i must address
i admit i am not very strict abt this..
maybe that's why i dunno how the cash depletes to nowhere..
of course i cannot expect everyone to be like me.
it's good to be shrewd.
ppl who are careful with their money.
i'm ok even if they are calculating..
like i dun owe you a single cent and you shall not owe me too.
even if they pay they pay back right down to the smallest cent.
that's fine, that's simply how they are.
for those who are stingy, then i guess too bad for them.

BUT
ppl who like to carve off others.
the gian png sort. no way.
i simply totally cannot stand it.
ppl, who think being treated is an entitlement,
and giving a treat is like a great taboo, are not ok.
cos "i'm poor" is one common excuse.
yes, poor indeed-not financially, but in spirit.

kindly enlighten me, how to price a favour to friends.
i chatted with you for 10 mins so that's worth about $xx.xx?
i accompanied you on a trip to the printing shop to collect documents so that's $yy.yy?
(ps: really lots of thanks for Jia Hui for helping me print so many notes for so many occasions. i really appreciate you doing this. =] )
these sounds extreme and exaggerated.
but this is how ridiculous it seemed to me when i encountered real life situations of ppl who are overdoing the calculations.

guys who are like that are the worst.
the worst story i heard was a guy F driving down from simei to east coast for a birthday party
offered to pick up 2 gal friends along the way at bedok. anyhow bedok was def on the way.
when he reached the destination, he simply turned back and said nicely he'll only take $1.50 each for the car ride to east coast. and he wasn't joking. one of the gals paid up. the other, W felt so awkward abt the odd figure and simply gave $2 for the ride. the guy. shameless.
[the names have been withheld to safeguard the reputation.]

plans

think they next few weeks will be eventful.
planning to go clubbing for shuyi's bdae,
going sentosa next week(omg.. peeling episode 2)
sp night next week too.
shall try to plan for the celebration thing..
get the prezzies and reservation.
hope we can get enough ppl and be able to get a guestlist.
else ppl who come late are gonna queue for a uber long time... =(
anyw i sincerely feel that the guestlist is really more worth it cos the guys/even gals dun have to pay cover charge and everyone simply pays for the alcohol they drink.
but since it's ladies night, the girls dun have to pay to get in; they'd simply need to queue
and god knows how long it takes.
oh wells.
i'm sure we can work something out. a plan that is convenient for everyone.

rag prac #1!

rag prac today was fine..
just that i felt it wans't systematic enough..
esp the warmup..
like how the stretching and isolation was jumbled up..
and the music was played while we were doing crunches..
but we din't quite follow it..
i think we should play the music and follow the counts
feels better i guess..
but my only complaint is that it felt haphazard

but overall it was an awesome prac.
learnt some moves.
foward roll and backward roll din seem so cool
but the beng4 zi that ys was teaching did look good alright..
and it was funny to see sue lynn tried to do it with grace =P(pun intended)
met sue lynn whom i never spoke to before
and realised she's quite fun to talk to.

other than that we din really accomplish much.
heard weiting's sick. down with fever.
hope she gets well soon and come back to teach us rag.
which... is like 3 weeks time. hope she's fine.

after prac they took the freshies down to look at the float
sadly i din go cos i volunteered to stay behind to look after jas stuff(laptop eh!!! = $$$$)
val was nice and she stayed with me.
not long the others came
there was siying fiona and mag.
there were the freshies who came later..
did some intro, talked some stuff
then i left for bukit batok
i bought more wipes
and headed back to clean the house for a 2nd time.
but this time with dettol liquid.
just to be doubly sure...........

going to orchard with dailo and jas tml.
hope it'll be a great trip =)

peeling?!

OMG...
sianded..
i still cannot understand why i am still peeling.
they just won't all come off at once!
please please.. will the new skin please grow out please grow out...
and old skin please be gone please be gone.
PRONTO!

rag!

just read the email abt rag..
and they're meeting 12nn at clementi mrt station..
which kinda reminds me of last year.
where we all met at clementi mrt as well.
had a lil of lunch and all..
met a senior who seemed to have vested interest in me.. hahaha..
but the first time was weird tho i rem..
i knew no one there except the dance ic's

this year.. it seems the case again..
i'm the only year 2 in the batch other than sue lynn.. and i dun really know her well..
as for the freshies.. i know none of them.
*shrugs*
so i guess i'm going there as a loner again..
and somehow i just have a bad feeling from everything..
i just have a gut feeling that something bad is going to happen...
i'm darned sure.
i just dunno what.
damn.
gotta just wait and see... wait and see...

what you can do with ten bucks? #1

buy a dark chocolate decadance from godiva.
it's like an ordinary chocolate ice blended.
but at the first sip you will know the difference.
the real chocolate taste you get from it is so indulging that it puts the mac-cafe ice blended chocolate to utter shame(in my opinion, mac cafe is totally crap)
if this costs 10 bucks, the macs version should cost like 50cents.
the first half is worth like 7.50 already.
the drink is sweet and not too rich, but leaves a lingering taste of real chocolate.
common to all ice blended drink, homogeneity is a problem.
all the ice floats so when like half the drink is finished, the last half is always like bland ice..
but.. it was not that bad. near the end, even down to the last glacier of ice, the chocolate taste persists. not simply some frozen water. and that makes it worth the last 2.50.

plus plus... they have a rebate promotion now!
spend $10 and above for the first time, you will be issued a rebate coupon(which essentially is simply the receipt) and on your next purchase, you either enjoy 50% discount under $10 or $5 off for purchases over $10. and that translates to $5 for your next cup of dark chocolate decadance. =)

case closed

case closed.
the random girl last night was NOT jessica.
thank goodness i din go up to say hi.
and thinking abt this reminded me of something.
i was made to stand outside the club and made to face the fan
cos the bouncer could not take an accurate measurement...
i was perspiring too much after queuing for so long..
and the thermometer read 35.8!
and he refused me cos i'm not hot enough?!
it's like wtf?!
or maybe it really cos i'm not hot enough.... sobbies T_T

how to appear good

to look good,
be in a dark place,
or simply be in low resolution.
helps alot. hahahaha...

it helps to promote a 8/10 (courtesy of a freshie:"face only ar...8/10")
to a 9.5/10! =pPpPpPpP

but frankly frankly and seriously..
with good physique,
you'd still be deemed attractive.
with good complexion,
you'd hardly fall below average.
with good interaction,
you'd hardly be left on the shelf.

but ultimately
the secret to looking good:
radiance.(aka 容光焕发)

RAW!

went for fq's dance performance today at the butter fact =)
it was not too bad
i totally loved the part where the guy did the beatbox..
sounded like uber cool on stage.
haha but no one knows how much work it takes to practise before the stage lah..
and of course how weird it looks to beatbox to yourself >.<

i must say i was motivated(not to the level of inspired) by them..
like how i suddenly feel the urge to start prac for rag! =D
of course it's a diff level to what they are doing lah..
rag is like not so up on technique as compared to the concert..
but the fundamentals are the same. and energy.
now i begin to appreciate why the dance ic stressed so much on it.
and frankly.. i really thought the nus dance blast is much better than this...
maybe it's the adrenaline rush and they are not quite used to it?
anyhow, i really liked the dance blast performance.
shall keep my eyes peeled for any performance at sch.. haha

cw came late, but thank goodness he came.
had a lil of clubbing fun without being too much into it..
had a couple of drinks. played some games..
haha and i realised my 猜拳 skills are that bad =P
but it was good fun nonetheless..
but the alcohol was bad..
i really felt bad for recommending something that ended up bad..
the jager bomb at zouk was good.. but the one at butter fact was not that fantastic..
not to mention the long island tea...
everything seems better at zouk eh.
sobs.
i conclude, butter fact drinks are expensive and not strong enough.. ceeet marney sobbies..
but they compensate with one thing.. the crowd.
the crowd is good. good quality =D
but today wasn't so good.. cos.. mostly it's ppl who went for the concert.
by like 1am the whole place seemed deserted..
and the dancefloor was seems to be closed up..
cos the dancers started to battle there..
a good sight to watch, but not quite good try to dance around..
haha...
and i saw this girl who looks so much like jessica lah!
and she smiled at me as if to say hi.. i wondered if it was really her..
cos i didn't quite recognise her in the make-up...
never seen her in make-up before
but i've been told she goes clubbing.. and the guy the girl was with looked kinda familiar
think he's from sch..
from voices if i am not wrong...
anyw, posted a query on her wall and just waiting to see if i had really seen her.

anyhow the day closed
and i got home stinking of alcohol..
couldn't quite sleep...
not just cos i'm starting to have 2 ulcers, but seriously.. i dun really know
think my biological clock has been screwed up.

i kinda realised though.. the key to good sleep is really quality..
but how to get that i'm not quite sure.. *shrugs*
oh well.. hope i can catch more sleep before i met the rest at jean's house.
which reminds me..
when i was niao-ing the girls for being late,
jean was trying to defend themselves:
"cos the mrt stopped at every stop!"
and i went o.O

peektures!

i kinda just realised the importance of being photogenic(not earnest =P)

tix

today i managed to sly jas to go cathay with me
cos no one else was going with me..
haha always full of nonsense we are..
anyhow the time came when i had to go for tuition,
i always hated how it was impossible to squeeze up the train at city hall...
i had to take from raffles place and endure the long ride to pasir ris...
sobbies..
but at least today's tuition session was good.
the kid did learn and i managed to teach
was listening to mei you ru guo all the way back and my mp3 didn't die on me =)
hope it's things turning for the better!

hohoho...

xoxo

start!

tml shall be the start of busy-ness.. hahaha...
where all the activities will start falling in...
watching fq's performance on thur,
meeting jean and gang on fri,
then sat and sun got tuition.
mon all the rag dance pract will start proper..
woo hoo~!
busy july here i come!





ps: pls let me have some personal time to spare with ppl i care abt ;)

still peeling...

i shall attempt... a body scrub!
rawr!

peeling!

and god!
i need an exfoiliater..
i can take this no more...!!!!

itenary

today's plan.
1. get my ass out of the house
2. buy the tickets from cathay(ETA:4.30)
3. chill a lil at starbucks and plan for tuition
4. go to pasir ris for tuition
5. run at night(hopefully... >.<)

small world

i love and hate the fact that the world is so small...
ppl that i cannot hide from..
ppl that i somehow find..
what a strange symphony of events.. the coming is gonna be heartwrecking and interesting at the same time.

courage

please grant me the courage to face up to the people i have so long tried to avoid...
that is the only way for life to move on...

interaction

you know how they say social interaction improves both your intelligence and mood for the day?
i think it's right man.
hahaha..

anyhow, i'd prob be going to town tml to just walk around and look look see see.
and of course to complete an impt task.
buy tix for og outing on thur.
going town alone is depressing lah...
but if no choice i guess i'd have to do it then.
anyone wishes to volunteer to accompany this poor peeling person? =D

home sweet home

finally got back to bedok.
and guess whom i met at bb...
sharon neo! omg!
that is like the last place i'd expect to see her lah!
but well i had always wanted to ask her where in bukit batok she stays since she mentioned on fb that she stays there.
but too bad i din get to go for the pri sch gathering to ask her that.
got a quick update of the pri sch mates and how they are doing.
most are fine and unchanged.
heard some flattery(hahahaha... i think flattery is really my soft spot. you need a favour from me, just say i'm 8/10 and i'll doing anything for you. ANYTHING. muahahahaha... maybe maybe.. =P)
haha but anyhow think they are a fun bunch.
hope they plan another one soon, before yin yue flies to beijing for her tcm course.
strangely while i dun really contact yinyue, i think i'd miss her when she leaves lah!
must must plan a mj game soon for reunion sake. yeah.

woo hoo~!

cannot go out =(

sigh.. the peeling is getting bad.. it's almost as if it was "chimeric"
patches here and there... irritated!!
i dun think i can go out and see ppl like that lor..
and i'm not even being vain here... =(

maybe?

maybe i should go shopping today.
broke but still can look look see see mah! =P

hyperactivity

guess nuah-ing and high caloric diet has made me hyperactive?!!!!

GG

OMG....
i cannot believe i just did...
i feel so... xoxo!
muahahahahaha

exercise

i believe in if you have it, flaunt it.
if i had 6-packs, i'd flaunt it too!
too bad i'm not exactly near...
even though my friends tell me i dun really look fat
i highly doubt it!
time to work my ass off and follow the men's health regime

Surfin for nutz

this house is really driving me crazy.
surfing on the net is very very scary.
and it's not helping to be cooped up in the house.
i'm so gonna swear of surfing once i get out.

now i see why j***** likes stalking so much.
it's amazing who you can find.

bad bad bad year ahead.

i just happen to browse..
and i realise how small the world is..
i think i'm gonna be screwed next sem..
the next half of year is not gonna be easy...
sigh.

Help. Please.

hm...

cooping in the house all day must be making me crazy..

all these whatifs 2

the only way to ans all these whatifs
is the try to make them all come true.
dun miss out the good ones =)

all these whatifs

all these whatifs

alone vs solitude

it's totally random..
i was simply doing the dishes
then the flood of thoughts flooding through the floodgates(emphasis intended)
i suddenly felt alone again...
like how there aren't quite ppl out there we can trust...
even family.
as if we can only trust ourselves.
the feeling is scary.
even the thought of being alone chills me.

but ironic isn't it..
a scorpio that finds solace in solitude,
actually afraid of being alone.
sigh..where is my soulmate?=(

anticipation

it suddenly dawned upon me..
the restlessness that i sometimes feel...
all this unexpended energy trying to burst out of me
a cross between euphoria from an andrenaline rush and anxiety from desperation.
i think it has a name:
Anticipation.

=)

temptation

they come in assorted forms
and random times,
where you least expect them.
i got visited by one of them today.
guess i should stay firm cos i know nothing good would blossom out of it.
it'll be just another bad blood like last time..
i fear it would happen again.
i really fear so...

getting blacklisted is the thing i want least...
their opinions matter to me... and i am a mono, not a di.

i must be crazy

i'm actually feeling alone.

exercise

you know what,
i think it's high time i get those woobly ass of mine moving
time to get some exercise.
sumpah!

uneasy

sometimes i just can't help thinking about a life that i could have possibly missed out.
it would perhaps have been a better life.
with a bigger circle,
less conventional,
more atrocities,
less stable perhaps,
more scandals,
less mechanical,
more emotions,
less trouble,
more fun.
i will never know what i miss out.
all these what ifs

condemination

ignorance is really one of the worst things around.
not knowing the situation, and dying without knowing why, is one of the worst things that could happen.
imagine a backstab.
sigh.. all these reminds me of the war game during camp.
never had i been so political in such a long time(though the extent of it is peanuts compared to what ppl usually do at work, in sch, or with family)
forming alliances, breaking alliances, getting betrayed.
it all seemed so trivialised.
and here i am, so silly, worrying about the strain on friendship, kinship
while others are thinking of who and what to exploit next.
i am tired of such things
yet i cannot escape from it.
where can i find ppl who treat others sincerely?
find ppl who truly care?
who won't leave you in the lurch?

i'm sick and tired of the pretense.
i really really am.
oh yes, and dun worry abt any obligations towards me.
it doesn;t really matter anymore.

sunburnt

i am super super sunburnt lah!
and i'm peeling painfully...
thank goodness sp night is not tonight.
else i would never go out with a painfully peeling face

*vanity in progress*

big day

tml's the big day.
it's the first day of sch,
it's the first day of FOC!
hope i can find back the zest that i have not seen for so long..
for so long i have been dragging myself based on worldly drives.
it's no longer about the heart anymore..
cos i dun rem when i last saw it open.

trouble

tall ones
short ones
fat ones
skinny ones
pretty ones
ugly ones
all same same
but different troubles.
females = trouble

apt

thinking abt it.. and looking at it
it seems my blog is aptly named.
saying nothing but simply whining about mundane things.
i'm simply cold and out. stone and void of emotions.
no more blazing fire of passion
nor the silent currents of sorrow
and frankly i can't tell which is worse.

how i am fondly reminded, the sweetness of sorrow.
of how it brings clarity to the mind.
of the excruciating pain it brings, that makes even mundane passings difficult tasks.
of how the eyes swell and the nose blocks out of nowhere.
of how prepared i felt to let go of this world.
of the deep emotions i could feel
empathy for another's woe
or celebration in another's delight
not that it mattered that all these had never made me feel any better.
in fact i was sickly drawn to the sorrow.
it was almost as if this sorrow is something i hold dear, and would never let go.
my precious.. perhaps.

now it has been lost.
i may not want to find it again, yet i know, it is not up to me.
time shall come if time will come
perhaps it is better for me.
sorrow wrecks me far less than frustration does.
and above all, it grants me immunity against irrationale fools who never knew better.
we know who we are talking about.

now i know, bad karma is a good friend to have.
cos he helps "clean up" the bad stuff that others left behind.

money money money; must be funny

it's really funny how money slips away..
in parking fines, in erp, in cab
all because of cars.
and yet, it is inconvenient without them.

looking back at last week, it was bad..
unfortunate week.. not the freaky sort of unlucky,
but the murphy sort, where every thing that can go wrong, well does go wrong.
hope i can get over it and settle all the stupid fines.
*shrugs*

clustering

things seem to come in bunches.
esp the bad stuff..
and gatherings/celebrations all seem to fall on the same day!
OMG.. can someone tell me why 27 is so hot that everyone else picks it to have a mass gathering of some sort?
the only consolation is the choice is clear cut.
my sis' bdae is priority... unless she decides not to celebrate, then i'll have a headache..
not like i dun have a after dinner plan choice to make for now.

anyw, i love bridge, but not the sucky people around it..
sigh.
looking for enough regular players so can play as often as possible.
just like how it happened with mahjong.

Miss Malu

went to meet up with our dearest miss malu today!
woot! it seems a gazillion years since i saw her!
and i still feel bad abt the last few times cos i din really get to spend much time with a old(ok not so old) friend. =(
but all these years, she hadn't changed much, except that she has a little wiser look in her eyes now, perhaps from coming out of her bubble world. still good ol jolly funny person
and maybe cos we haven't met for a while, and i wasn;t in the best of state today,
i din really talk much. not as much laughs as other times, but still good.
we did some shopping and i bought 2 pair of berms.
i felt kinda cheated lah!...of 5 bucks..
cos they were going for 1 at 15, 2 at 25.
and i liked a pair of dark ones, and a pair of light ones
but the first shop i went to only had size for dark berms that i like..
so i bought only one.
then when i went to the 2nd shop, then i realised it has sizes for both of the designs that i like.
but now i could only buy the light pair..
in effect, i spent 15+15=30
instead of 25 if i have bought at the 2nd shop.
damn! 5 bucks for a lesson.

anyw, real glad i got to catch up with miss malu. haha..
really reminded me of the good old days, where a guy and a gal can really hang out with no special motives.
a last remnant of my belief that a guy and a gal can be really good platonic friends without anything.

long weekend...!

it's really a long weekend.
helped out xiao gu on early sat;
nearly missed the youth championship, but thank goodness i made it.
den didn't get to sleep in for sun cos of a family lunch..
it was a horrible buffet. really horrible, with horrible food.
i just hated it when they din have proper soup.
all they had was simply some cheapo imitation of a sharkfin soup..
so i had to resort to table water crackers and cheese for starters..

after that, the day took for a turn!
uncle jack took us to cairnhill and we went to see his apartment.
it is truly a nice place for a upper class single to live in.
nice surroundings, great view, cosy apartment, what more can you ask for.
bad thing is the entrance.. haha.. had to make a 3point turn at a nearby minor road before turning out to main road to get into the place itself.
still it's a sleek place to stay, bet it'd look great at night =)

went to town with my sis after the visit, and finally bought the pair of zara jeans i tried.
finally i have a pair of black jeans! woot! can hide more of my fats, and match more of my clothes! heehee...

as the day draws to a close, i left town to go to the airport.
met up with gang, and got to meet jiahui's mum for the first time.
with 3 sashimi lovers around, we finally got the relished chance to go to sakuraya!!!(=X)
the sashimi was superb! as usual. but the meal was unfortunately not wholesome, as usual.
sometimes hoped they have better side dishes other than sushi and maki ol'
still, without contest, their sashimi is still chao1 bang4! hee...
and how to end off a hot day without a cool dessert.
expectedly(to our delight) we headed off to the snowflake place for dessert.. hee..
talked abt kids. young kids around us.
it was hilarious how naughty kids can be.
doing all sorts of bad or silly things.
while we may not condone them nor like it, we can help ourselves laughing at those nonsense they do.(or we once did) =P


but i'm pondering sometimes if i was politely, subtlely asked out of a photo, what should i do?
then again... hm.. would normal human being ask something like that?

queer

i'm always lamenting at how people are screwed up.
not that i'm much better than them in every way.(i still can't win them in terms of hideousness)
nor that there aren't there people who are generally good.

humans are curious creatures. it's their psyche that makes them so.
i swear if i was in in the arts fac, i'd definitely take psychology. (2nd thoughts after hearing all abt the memory work we have to do).

wiser

today i realised i have been wiser.
though still not good enough, as least i can tell what good intention is.
where it matters, words isn't what that matters; other glaring subtle signs are.

and from today, i shall no longer proclaim i'm old..
cos i realised i still far from it..
as old as i am complained to be.. i'm only one step further than the usual kids, nothing more.
but hey look on the bright side.
at least now i learn to be indifferent when the time calls for it.
and detect the mindtraps ppl set.
guilt, contempt, flattery are all many ways that ppl can use to gain something out of another.
i shall try my best not to fall prey to them.
the burning shall continue burning, as the seeking shall continue seeking.
and hope the smiling shall continue smiling.

despise

how do despise and love go hand in hand?
and what is love in the first place?
sad to say it is something i still do not know.
but, i do know what is not love.

Wrecked

while i am not directly killing myself,
letting myself succumb and be dragged to the wrecks is tantamount to it.
what's the diff if i see i;m going towards iminent death and not trying at all to steer away from it?
it's just like when a contract seems doomed, i don't try my best to fight for it to make.
else how can i ever ever make a top board?

sigh.. it's freedom i miss...
what is the difference between a roaming around in an enclosure and being pegged to a chain?
if the creature feels, then there is no difference.

whats the term called when you think you like something?
ah yes i recalled, it's love, the 5th type of love, it's not even eros at best;it's egos.

testing lanes

when a test has been set, done, failed,
there is little point in doing a retest.
yes ppl do change, but when the roots have grown deep, the outcome is often the same.
when is it a good time to face the results.


having seen ppl changing in and out of lane. sometimes i wonder if they know where they are going. keeping to the right lane just cos they see everyone else trying to take the other lane and they all seem to be faster, better there?
or simply too kiasu and worried they won't make it in time to change into the right lane to do a right turn at the junction?
and how about those who change out of the lane cos they realise it's not going the direction they want?
some make it in time, some get stuck and went with the flow to oblivion.
when it calls for a turn, keeping straight will be disaster.
screw the people who honk you from behind, thank and wave to those who give way to you.

Butter

Butter. how apt it is.
fatty. check.
nuah. check.
melts under heat. check.
rich in flavour... half check..

went to butter fact last night.
and to my great surprise, met lam there.
haha.. kinda the last place i'd expect to see him there.
then again, i've seen him at places when i dun really quite expect to see him.
nonetheless, it was good to have him as a friend.
yest really made me miss the good old days, where we all came out simply to have fun.
last night was not that bad.
club hopped to zouk at 3am.
drank long island teas at both clubs, though i din finish the one at zouk =(
guess i'm really getting old. oh wells...
anyw, i wasn't bored, but nor super high.
the only bad thing was we were like headless flies(my bad), and having no particular agenda,
no particular group(unlike deprived army kids let loose from their cage).
else it was another good night =)
it struck me somehow, made me feel like wanting to go out
and have a really fun night! with good friends, good fun, good booze.
should organise one soon.
and save up for it.
such outings are always costly, judging from how i erm.. buy alcohol.. haha

anyhow,
simply looking forward to a uber fun outing. =)

Balance

Finally a balancing opinion. and to think it came from someone whom i never expected it to come from. always thought she was slightly extremist. kudos to her to be able to give such a balanced advice, and no wonder she gets cap5.
i guess all there is now is to watch things unfold.
like H.H. (Hideous Hog, if you do read the griffin series) said.

anyw, long gone are the days where you cross me, i'll make you die.
now the in thing is: cross me, and let's see how you shall die.
oh wells, no more angsty teenage for me.
now, it's all about getting back my sense. and i'd give everything to get it back.

It's time.

perhaps it's time to make a stand.
long i resisted.. hating to turn into the people i dislike and despised.
my complacency and obstinate ways are slowly killing me.
why try so hard to make others like you?
they still treat you nice when they don't (hypocritical bitches pretentiously chummy)
and those that do like you, would have liked you(for their own agenda, out of sincerity or otherwise)

anyw, i never believed in luck. it is simply a group of factors that we can't control or account for directly. but sometimes, believing in such supposedly gives me a better time trying to square things. but deep down i know..there were things there could be done, there were things that should have been done. just dun give anything away, dun be too greedy for things you cannot take. what's cold and meant to be shall not be broken, what's surely down shall never succeed.
but of course, life throws you all sorts of surprises. these come in terms of ppl.
they are the ones who make impossible nothing.
talk about bad bridge players.

for now, i know i suck. sadly, i really do.
but you know what? it's my hobby.

Pits

I think i'm so gonna keep falling in bottomless pits; so far in that i would never realise how much i have fallen till i've for eternity.
it seems like it had always been a choice between the lesser of 2 evils.
an expensive sacrifice had been made, and i shall not let it go to waste.
once decided, stick with it. worked for bridge, and surely hope it works for life.

it's really hard to get someone who truly listens and cares with no motives;
those with no motives rarely are able to go deep enough.
and amidst these voids, i keep screwing up relations.
none of them seem to end peacefully.
they all seem to come at the wrong time, and go the wrong way.

and frankly i feel like a wreck. a working and running motorbike simply waiting there to be scrapped.

anyhow, today's family dinner was crap.
but at least i helped myself make a stand.. amidst the unfriendly comments there were uncalled for..i have come to realise how bad ego can be..where ppl simply must have the last word, and fight teeth and bone to "win" a unilateral imaginary battle. such is a lesson to be learnt myself.
this is part of the growing up process i guess.

still i'm not giving up. i felt sorry for myself when i was giving up during the colours and visions exam. and i shall not do it again.

and now since i'm on at it, i'm gonna give it one good go, albeit the best and the last. hope it would all turn out for the best. not that there would be no hiccups, but all would end well eventually.
else, i shall sadly return to what it originally should have been and walk the path long chosen.

B i love you, and i really mean it. just don't do anymore stupid things k?
and to all my friends, and just to let you all know in case you all din know, i love you all too each one of you in my own way.

ermm...

some things are simply brooding at the back of my mind.
some of which i can't really put a finger to,
most of which i don't know how to write in words,
all of which i won't know how to deal with.

i guess it's now the see-how-it-all-goes approach i'm taking now.
there is much at stake. though it's my life i live, i am responsible not to myself only.

burning burning...

looks like i have alot to burn these few weeks.
the first to burn is def the midnight oil..
having slapped by reality with the reminder that my exam starts from 25 and ends on 29,
there isn't much time to study the exams...
so i'm gonna burn myself to make it thru the study break..
haha... oh well.. we've gotta do what we've gotta do.

but right now i have a project report to write..
sigh..
and unfortunately it seems like i'm doing it alone..
firstly my group members seem to have no idea what the project is about.
hence, they dunno what to put in!
now i'm stuck between two evils, of which i have to choose the lesser, albeit the one that would take a great toll on me.. that is a price i have to pay since i din bother to select groupmates, thinking since they are mostly cui, it makes not much of a diff..
but in fact.. it does. cos there is cui-er, cui-erer and so on.
(actually for all i know, my other group members from elsewhere thinks that about me too. *shrugs*)

plus, being in the bad books of the lecturer isn't helping.
i've given the little brown man(=short indian, but hey i'm not being racist, just stating a matter of fact) the benefit of doubt. time and time again, i was proven right:
he is defnitely bias against me.
i thot that having much academic training(him being a phd for god's sake)
and him being so much old.
he prob ought to be more mature.
but i was proven wrong.. sigh..
i mean hey,
everyone has their own prejudices and bias.
it's about how you manage it.
you can dislike someone for certain reasons, though some are good ones, and some purely irrational and even unacceptable.
but i simply have no idea what i did to warrant such a prejudice.
and i cannot accept how he manages it.
snide remarks had been staple.
stark differences in treatment is often.
and the worst of the lot was the unrelenting verbal attacks!
like i mean, fine, i may not the best of the lot.
or even your fav of the lot, but cool it off man.
a few shots along the way is acceptable, in guise of a "friendly" joke.
a direct shot coming from a pregnant pause is totally weird.
it simply seemed like it was delibrate and planned, and that it had to be excuted.
malice?

anyhow, it is not important. just that writing the report now makes me think of things to make my blood boil and burn with anger.
oh wells, the world is no where near perfect, or even good for that matter.
but the only saving grace is that the bad stuff is there so that we can all know what the good stuff are.
for that, i am grateful.

back to burning for the exams and report.
and of course, burn those scum along the way too.
and i know very well who those are...

Suay

Sigh,
a series of unfortunate events happened..
for one.. all the nice tuition offers offered to me somehow managed to slip away, after i agreed to take them on..
then today i scalded myself with the hot sesame paste when the small sampling cup somehow spilled and dripped across my chest, and while i was trying to save it, spilled all over my hand, giving me one good burn in a long time.
and finally, a parking summon of a hundred bucks,
issued with minutes from the moment i left the car.. at this loading bay in front of my block.
guess i must have been extremely lucky and fortunate that on all other occasions i wasn't fined.
What a way to start a GOOD Friday. Indeed *smiles(?)*
Thank God ya'll!

nw i know at least, maybe the little brown man isn't the only who hates me.

0326 這是我們的紀念日

范瑋琪-我們的紀念日

我的心 忽然又活了
總在見到你的那一刻
原來我也有過 這樣的悸動
只是在習慣自我 保護後　忘了...

想聊的 故事太長了
反而就都沉默的 笑著
金色陽光灑在 你雙手上頭
看起來好暖讓我想 緊緊握著

這是我們的紀念日　
紀念我們開始對自己誠實
願意為深愛的人　放棄驕傲　
說少了你 生活淡的沒有味道

這是美麗的紀念日　
紀念我們能重新認識一次
有些事要流過淚才看的到　
不求完美愛的更遠　
要過的更好

想聊的 故事太長了
反而就都沉默的 笑著
金色陽光灑在 你雙手上頭
看起來好暖讓我想 緊緊握著

這是我們的紀念日　
紀念我們開始對自己誠實
願意為深愛的人　放棄驕傲　
說少了你 生活淡的沒有味道

這是美麗的紀念日　
紀念我們能重新認識一次
有些事要流過淚才看的到　
不求完美愛的更遠　
要過的更好

我用寂寞來懲罰我　
看著你走過　
要什麼當時不說
此刻能有你傾聽我　
輕輕的轉著　

那是種甘甜以後　
讓人想哭的快樂

how fortunate is it to find a song so strangely apt..
and it had always been in my fav playlist all along.
some things have never been said,
and sometimes even when we care and feel,
the words and acts will seem to mean otherwise.
goodness and intentions will always show true, eventually;
it's just that almost nobody else gets to see the whole picture.

alpha #4

guess it's a new beginning for better times =)
the steel cold heart thaws, crying out rivers that brings new life.
the fire rekindles and finally burns on open, and proud.

Exclusively the official and only authorised food for n**p**! =P

craps

sigh.. yet another crappy week.
and i think i have the "please-take-me-lightly" aura.
ppl either insignify me or trample over me. perhaps it goes both ways too? or perhaps it is simply bad karma altogether... >.<
as a result, nothing i try to achive seems to get a nice ending.
guess the only saving grace be i'm still in one piece so far,
and the only consolation be that i'm not the only one going through a rough patch.
I'm not alone! yay~!
anyhow, super kudos to my uber cute squirrel friend! i want to give many thanks(inclusive of macademia nuts!) to you! wahaha... and sorry for all times i kept disappearing. but still just wanta let ya know, you're one of the best squirrels i met. Thanks, really. =)

sigh.

it doesn't always pay to be right(with puns intended);
it never pays to be annoying.
for one thing, the ugly is never spared more easily;
and i'm not just being superficial here.

solution wanted.

I absolutely abhore redundant low blows.
And I just received them today.
How true it is when the wise say: choose your company wisely.
I'm glad I exercise quality control.
Anyw, these sorry creatures will somehow be friends of somebody out there, unfortunately.
So...
Can anyone suggest what to do with those immature sad excuses for a fucker?

mundane

i have feedback from a friend(erhem) that he is lacking comic relief and i was urge to make a post asap.
but anyhows..
1st.. it feels good to be put back in action.
the past week with no laptop, and being all alone in the gloomy house was torturous.
going home to and empty house with nothing to do was definitely a pain.
and now it's all over! cos i have my xiaobai back from servicing(contrary to certain misunderstanding, xiaobai is simply my white vaio, not some honda jazz... =_=)
haha.. but then again seeing myself having to derive(distill more like it) joy from such mundane things makes me wonder if i'm wise person who knows how to appreciate or simply a pathetic smart aleck. a question that leads no where shall therefore be left unanswered(by anyone and everyone pls! haha...)

i kinda realised i had lost fervor... or rather decapitated is a more apt description, lost my head, and thus lost directions, wits, common sense all... maybe cos of the rough week before.
bridge training last tue was horrible.. i was literally dying to get out of the place.. with the count training(killer training but impt and good). and to top it off, the coach gave us a quiz, which he took a week to solve. i took only one night.. on which i was super excited that i couldn't sleep, to give a amateur solution, that sounds wonderful, alas with a glaring problem on discards. and apparently i wasn't the only one who came up with that proposition. after a "gentle" reminder on the quiz problem, it was back to the thinking cap for the next attempt.
on sat, it dawned on me, the most feasible sequence. but the dianogstics on the discards continued to elude me.. until sun.. woots! wahaha... and i couldn't hold it any longer.. i went online using my desktop at home. to my delight, no one has found the right line of play. and like a scientist anxious to publish, i published the solution. i had hoped for it to cover for all scenario, while describing as little as possible. ie, not to give all possible distributions, but just the main few. i decribed the key line of play, assuming the other players will follow and assumed that they know the appropriate actions after the point of description. i was proven wrong sobz... but oh well.. shan't bother with those who cannot see but doesn't bother to ask. as for those who can see, yay! those who can't see but ask, i shall do my best to explain. =)
haha... guess the triumph comes in that tho other players found a similiar line, they lacked the crucial step. a mini stunt, discarding hearts on the diamonds, and cashing the last heart. this is the key step that will avert disaster in case of the last scenario in which count will not be known.
cashing the heart last will ensure that the count will be apparent after some counting. =D

anyhow, sianded... bridge venue got changed... it became online bbo tourney instead of the usual duplicates. oh wells see how it goes lah. at least can watch discovery channel(boom de ah da~! but now they changed the song to a new cool awesome song which i dunno the name )=.........)
and play at the same time. woo hoo~!
hope i can eat rojak at clementi tonight.. =P

Lesson learnt in progress

hmm today's theme seems to be on follow up. =)

T/F

sometimes i simply find it hard to tell between what is truly meant and what is not.
like.. i really dunno when it is real and when it is not? esp for a social player...
tho my gut tells me not to ever get too attached and sink in even one inch, i still daren't dismiss it as simply a fake smile. like.. what if it is real?
then again, i mustn't fall into naivety...
but if i know it isn't real, i simply cannot help it but to rear up my sting!
and there it goes again, yet another relation spoilt, just like the n ones before it.
i am simply confused.
again, rationality is the best policy.
and why risk trust in the people with vivid masks, when you have people who sincerely bother?
sigh i am confused, and alone as had always been, in the quiet solace of my solitude.
and quiet in dignity..

work work

a lazy, rainy and boring saturday filled with tuition, project and a bdae celebration for my cousin(which i think is the best out of the 3 obviously).
doing research on how ammonia can replace water as a medium for life..
and guess what, i chanced upon a wiki article on supercooling...
haha.. not that i'm being galileon.... but.. ya.. just reminds me of some mockery that i receive at times when i was right and certain yet due to my unconvincing delivery invited humouring responses in semi-mockery. even silly things like "here won't have lighting problem" while helping some strangers take a photo.. shrugs.. the kids have no idea of their own about Life i guess..
and all these brings me to the main point. a lesson learned, unlearned and relearned.
sometimes, i simply need to trust myself. do not blindly cast the shadow of doubt when stupidity inflates like an bubble ego. common sense is not common, and brilliance is a sight only for those who can See. then again, we are all humans, we all make errors some where.. so let's give and take, and hope that eventually these errors cancel out and we'd all be home safe and dry.
but right now, i still have trouble with trusting most others with stuff.. some things absolutely cannot be taken for granted! and sadly i am a stingy person when it comes to giving the benefit of the doubt and positivity. maybe that's why i find solace in solitude. oh wells...

anyhows, LG cookie quite chio leh.. but fh480 is good enough for me, except.. everyone else has it. =_=
a repeat of the pedro shoes mimickry. *shrugs*