hermit

no Life. period.

FREEDOM!

I want to be Free... sick of having so much burden and inhibitions.. when will i gather the strength to break thru?
guess there are somethings i have to let go before i can get moving..
and yes, i need to do exercise!!!!!!!!!!!
no more slp in early morning wake in late afternoon
no more supper
no more excessive redundant caffeine
and no more getting affected by mind games that ppl play.
I'm not guilty for not choosing yu. not at all. you may think yu deserve better; i deserve much much better than yu. yes yu. and Thank God.

err....

2nd post with 1 hour.. well done.
anyways. i look like an ah tiong now cans! damn it...
should have learnt my lesson and take good care of myself. like no stupid late nights, no dehydration, no too-lazy-to-groom.. arghz...
to be in and look like i'm in tip top condition is important too!
sigh. now i'm really cui and look cui. diaoz.. time to do something about it.
1st and foremost(not 1sir) drink water...!!! hydration hydration!
must hydrate to achieve nice crystal lattice? :P just kidding!

Meow~

I'm really a 100% cat person lah!
temperaments like a cat, behave like a cat, think like a cat, act like a cat.. and most of all.. like a cat... have h***s from time to time.. >.<
damn!
anyone can tame this cat?

Sian gao chut zup

sian~
stuck in the pgp room dunno wad to do.
i'm not hungry but i crave for supper!(no wonder i'm steadily gaining weight.. what happened to all the resolutions and regime? =_=)
but it's so weird. so out of place, fong seng's gonna be packed with the xpharm peeps, and i somehow dun really fit cos i'm not here not there.
then again, i stay here and rot meh?
maybe go buy food bah. walk walk there, order food and see how.
the ppl are nice, so they'd prob ask me to join them if i seem to be going to dine pitifully alone.
and then my addition adds awkwardness to everything. all cos i'm anti-social.
what to do what to do?
it is always at this times i face a dilemma. decision crisis. always the start that takes the most time, like how it's always the process that takes the most determination.
fortunately, some random person reminds me at bridge. no guts no glory.
try and see how it goes i guess. perhaps it's better to tried and failed then to not try and fail anways.
final decision. go for supper lah. worse come to worse, awkward den make a move early lor!
then again, all friends, maybe not awkward leh? or bonus! catch fish! muahahaha...
oh wells, guess it really takes a lil bit of being thick-skinned so that life wun be too nan guo...
screw perfection and screw it lahz.
i'm gg for supper and make myself less sad and motivate myself to exercise no matter what.
jere tan, yu may not see this, but book yu as my mj/exercise buddy liao. lolz

Saddening.. time to get a life!

I just realised why i dun like the internet. and how i survive using the internet during sch term cos i have no other choice and work is the best distraction. =(
everytime i come online, it simply reminds me of all the things i dun have, and hope to have. always procastinating, always finding reasons, factors, excuses when things to happen or otherwise. this is sickening. this is burning my soul, draining the life i've painstakingly accumulated all these slow-moving years that pass like eternity.
Time to make a move. Get a life weebs. you'd better do;else you'd end up with nothing but a screwed up life and loads of sorrow to enjoy... >.<

Sick

Simply sick. sick of many things. sick of them not going well. sick and tired of being sick and tired. And the cycle goes on. guess it's time to really Want and not just want. =(

Event year closed!!!! =)

woo hoo!!! the event year closes with the completion of the marathon and the collection of yet another finisher t-shirt!!!!! finisher of 42.195... lalalala.. yeah hey!

and it's now time to start another marathon.. for mahjong and chilling and hanging out. hehez.. to all my friends, yu are all booked =)

and to you.. the sentamentalist.. would you have space for another sentamentalist.. or the chance to give it all a try?

Sors Immanis

fate is monstrous sometime.
sometime it seems we need fortune's favour to get things going..

allure of the dark night

went wala wala to chill right after bridge today.. in time to catch the nice band. with loud music and interesting alterations. lol!
ordered the usual-long island. my long time fav! haha..
(gimme a long island and yu can take me home baby =P)
and listening to the band was really a mood saver. alcohol lifted inhibitions and music brought the soul.. suddenly i had this random thought.
i realised i love the night. cool black nights that are hot. the same beautiful night that gives a false sense of security that we can get away with anything under the darkness. something that contrasts the clear bright day with all its hypocrisy.
too bad the time's short tonight and the company was meant only for chilling. haha..
guess i'd have my chance in due time.. after the stand chart, after the errands and duties.
PS x'mas eve's on a wed~ =D

What is wrong with me?

You can't please everyone in the world.
But you can piss everyone else off. whatever happened to conservation? or have i lost my mind in the study of science?
Why is it so hard.. i know i am not the best or anywhere near the better.
but am i really that screwed up? so much so that people have to try to pretend to not abhore with all their might.
I just can't let go cos of how things have turned. I regret crossing the line in fool's hope that something good will come out of it. all the more it burns me when i knew exactly what will happen. then again, my sight is limited. for i am too trusting.. too naive to believe people... them, you.. and even more stupid to take things at face value.
I deserve it, i guess. Everything. for not living. for trying to cruise through life, oblivious to the hurtful truth, wishfully thinking that ignorance is bliss, and conveniently trying to forget what was known. foolishly hope that good things will come in the end.
Fate has her funny ways to get at us. an aptly planted reminder, a timely retribution.. merely a few of her ways to throw me back into the abyss.. only to see me slowly and painfully try to crawl my way out. as usual, as always.
i'm sick of this. i want to Live. and i don't want to lose anymore. i don't want to be at the mercy of anyone anymore. perhaps it's gonna take a fight. but i shall not let it go.. else all shall be lost.. and i fall to oblivion to where perhaps, i really belong..

Give me a mentor, a soulmate, a friend! i beseech. because i think i won't be able to move on without one.

Repeat of the folly

Something tells me somebody get a hurt real bad...
lest he curbs himself! and he'd better do, else he'd really deserve it.
STUPID!

Inferiority

Why do I let others trample me down?
It was a simple gesture. perhaps the inital motive was wrong, that i incur the fooling and mocking of Fate.
This feeling is slowly eroding me... and i don't like it. sigh.
Wish i have the discipline and strength to overcome it. to move on and meet all the better things in life!

Oops

I think i just did myself in.
Then again, Fate gave me a 2nd chance..
or am i reading too much into it... =(
only time will tell.. as usual and corny as can be.
at least i've got some head about the identity and link...
then again.. perhaps it's beyond my reach after all.
guess it's time to upgrade myself and use both heads and heart.

It's a sad beautiful love.

It is a sad and beautiful story.
And I have chosen then, though it may be sad and hopefully beautiful.

Futile Day

Yet again another day with no catch. Arh.. i'm gonna tear my hair soon.. for being so unproductive and obsessed with the fishing thing. Perhaps the Fish only visited this outlet on that day, cos it got displaced from the usual haunt? *shrugs*
Anyhows, focus should now take precedence over courage. Focus in the right direction will naturally grant the courage needed to make it there. Sos.... simply focus on the right things and it won't go wrong. PLUS... Trust the intuition~ =P

Sad Tidings

Bad timing for many many things...
anyhow.
no Fish today! but still wish Fish good luck and come T3 coffee bean study soon.

still...1st there was the X generation, then there was the Y generation.
Now it'e maggie mee generation, whose favourite food is maggie mee, and whom expects everything to be as instant and maggie mee, and cares only about mee, mee, mee and mee. pun absolutely intended for these sad bunch... =(

It's time.

I really have a feeling it's almost time for a promotion... a time where all other things are beginning to crack and crumble......

Fish

Found a fish today. but is it really what that was meant for me? only the future can tell. it kinda puts me at the cross road once again... woe of an electron.

Random Thought

Just suddenly wish i could mess your hair a little.. hold your cheek and give you a big nice hug.

all simply a fool's wish.

engine canteen is much much better lors!
i like engine =)

Do you know where I want to be?

Everytime I see you, I simply don't know what to do. I know your heartbreak, I empathise with it. cos it had been something I've gone through as well. but i just simply not know what i can do to help.. perhaps to fill up the void left behind. a fool's hope as distant as you are to me. i saw yu the other time, just as yu had seen me. you know my presence.. but not my significance. perhaps i could see you only when fate permits. for all is in her hands. only she can show more of our paths, and should they cross, how much we may walk together. only then perhaps would fate bring us together? i know not. i can only have a little glimmer of fools hope, kept in the secret niche of my heart, where you reside.

do you see me?

28 oct!

OMG!!!
Simply had a super happy day! Touched is the only word to describe it.
I had 温馨牌面线 cooked by dailo. seriously i've never had ji dan mian xian before lor..ever! thanks dai lo!
ooh ooh .. and they got me a shirt that was like so me lahz. now i cannot complain that i have nothing else to wear le =P
plus.... tanya's cd! with the song yellow in it. thanks clone! i was comtemplating to get it lah, then simply ignored cos i tot i could simply hear it off xc's blog, which i prob be dropping by often.. hahaz... anyhows, it's super super emo-ly nice! >.< just "look how they shine for you"...
then we played german bridge.. and mahjong! The game i cannot live without...! thanks val! =) for going to great lengths to get the set so we could play.
then there was the nice nice fish and chips that they got me for dinner while i was pigging away in the darkness of dailo's rm. nice crispy fish.. courtesy of jas! my cute cute mei =P thanks jas!
and of course... with the CA looming, we had to do some serious work... so we mugged. just a lil. and eileen was super funny with all her random comments. it was real fun to study with her around. hahaz. thanks gal for making our day! ;)
and last but not least... we finally went to harry's for a lil unwinding. tried like 8 diff drinks lah.. and played the "i've never" game. thinking of how to get each other to drink.. lol then realised bits and pieces about each other(dailo, clone and valval) along the way.
dailo did ask me... if i'd ever consider getting back with XX if the choice came down to me... this is a qn i dun really have the ans.. tho i think prob not.. whats the point. guess i should focus on the peeps who are gonna appreciate me morez and vice versa i guess =)
tooks pics at some random park too.. all the nonsense poses came out funny and cute.. as always. how can the pics not be cute with us inside! =P *bhb*
and thats how, the last day came to an end.


secretly i hope. you notice me.. perhaps take a fancy at me if yu'll indulge me...
and perhaps yur well wishes shall complete the day.
hugs are for free, and always shall be whenever you need them. =)
and as for now, 50c a kiss. till you get vip status. =P

"perhaps I can make you smile soon," I thought to myself..
and smiled.

You know what? I think it's time I'm gonna get a promotion, cos my personal life is going up in smoke. =)

Mission

it's so goddamn hard to clear up misunderstandings and improve impression

I am left for dead. Yay..Good riddance! right? good for you

Sinking...emo-ifying

All I can feel is this sadness pulling me down. While others are getting ahead with their lives, I'm simply sinking into the mundane of the mediocre life. Can anyone save me...today?