big day

tml's the big day.
it's the first day of sch,
it's the first day of FOC!
hope i can find back the zest that i have not seen for so long..
for so long i have been dragging myself based on worldly drives.
it's no longer about the heart anymore..
cos i dun rem when i last saw it open.

trouble

tall ones
short ones
fat ones
skinny ones
pretty ones
ugly ones
all same same
but different troubles.
females = trouble

apt

thinking abt it.. and looking at it
it seems my blog is aptly named.
saying nothing but simply whining about mundane things.
i'm simply cold and out. stone and void of emotions.
no more blazing fire of passion
nor the silent currents of sorrow
and frankly i can't tell which is worse.

how i am fondly reminded, the sweetness of sorrow.
of how it brings clarity to the mind.
of the excruciating pain it brings, that makes even mundane passings difficult tasks.
of how the eyes swell and the nose blocks out of nowhere.
of how prepared i felt to let go of this world.
of the deep emotions i could feel
empathy for another's woe
or celebration in another's delight
not that it mattered that all these had never made me feel any better.
in fact i was sickly drawn to the sorrow.
it was almost as if this sorrow is something i hold dear, and would never let go.
my precious.. perhaps.

now it has been lost.
i may not want to find it again, yet i know, it is not up to me.
time shall come if time will come
perhaps it is better for me.
sorrow wrecks me far less than frustration does.
and above all, it grants me immunity against irrationale fools who never knew better.
we know who we are talking about.

now i know, bad karma is a good friend to have.
cos he helps "clean up" the bad stuff that others left behind.

money money money; must be funny

it's really funny how money slips away..
in parking fines, in erp, in cab
all because of cars.
and yet, it is inconvenient without them.

looking back at last week, it was bad..
unfortunate week.. not the freaky sort of unlucky,
but the murphy sort, where every thing that can go wrong, well does go wrong.
hope i can get over it and settle all the stupid fines.
*shrugs*

clustering

things seem to come in bunches.
esp the bad stuff..
and gatherings/celebrations all seem to fall on the same day!
OMG.. can someone tell me why 27 is so hot that everyone else picks it to have a mass gathering of some sort?
the only consolation is the choice is clear cut.
my sis' bdae is priority... unless she decides not to celebrate, then i'll have a headache..
not like i dun have a after dinner plan choice to make for now.

anyw, i love bridge, but not the sucky people around it..
sigh.
looking for enough regular players so can play as often as possible.
just like how it happened with mahjong.

Miss Malu

went to meet up with our dearest miss malu today!
woot! it seems a gazillion years since i saw her!
and i still feel bad abt the last few times cos i din really get to spend much time with a old(ok not so old) friend. =(
but all these years, she hadn't changed much, except that she has a little wiser look in her eyes now, perhaps from coming out of her bubble world. still good ol jolly funny person
and maybe cos we haven't met for a while, and i wasn;t in the best of state today,
i din really talk much. not as much laughs as other times, but still good.
we did some shopping and i bought 2 pair of berms.
i felt kinda cheated lah!...of 5 bucks..
cos they were going for 1 at 15, 2 at 25.
and i liked a pair of dark ones, and a pair of light ones
but the first shop i went to only had size for dark berms that i like..
so i bought only one.
then when i went to the 2nd shop, then i realised it has sizes for both of the designs that i like.
but now i could only buy the light pair..
in effect, i spent 15+15=30
instead of 25 if i have bought at the 2nd shop.
damn! 5 bucks for a lesson.

anyw, real glad i got to catch up with miss malu. haha..
really reminded me of the good old days, where a guy and a gal can really hang out with no special motives.
a last remnant of my belief that a guy and a gal can be really good platonic friends without anything.

long weekend...!

it's really a long weekend.
helped out xiao gu on early sat;
nearly missed the youth championship, but thank goodness i made it.
den didn't get to sleep in for sun cos of a family lunch..
it was a horrible buffet. really horrible, with horrible food.
i just hated it when they din have proper soup.
all they had was simply some cheapo imitation of a sharkfin soup..
so i had to resort to table water crackers and cheese for starters..

after that, the day took for a turn!
uncle jack took us to cairnhill and we went to see his apartment.
it is truly a nice place for a upper class single to live in.
nice surroundings, great view, cosy apartment, what more can you ask for.
bad thing is the entrance.. haha.. had to make a 3point turn at a nearby minor road before turning out to main road to get into the place itself.
still it's a sleek place to stay, bet it'd look great at night =)

went to town with my sis after the visit, and finally bought the pair of zara jeans i tried.
finally i have a pair of black jeans! woot! can hide more of my fats, and match more of my clothes! heehee...

as the day draws to a close, i left town to go to the airport.
met up with gang, and got to meet jiahui's mum for the first time.
with 3 sashimi lovers around, we finally got the relished chance to go to sakuraya!!!(=X)
the sashimi was superb! as usual. but the meal was unfortunately not wholesome, as usual.
sometimes hoped they have better side dishes other than sushi and maki ol'
still, without contest, their sashimi is still chao1 bang4! hee...
and how to end off a hot day without a cool dessert.
expectedly(to our delight) we headed off to the snowflake place for dessert.. hee..
talked abt kids. young kids around us.
it was hilarious how naughty kids can be.
doing all sorts of bad or silly things.
while we may not condone them nor like it, we can help ourselves laughing at those nonsense they do.(or we once did) =P


but i'm pondering sometimes if i was politely, subtlely asked out of a photo, what should i do?
then again... hm.. would normal human being ask something like that?

queer

i'm always lamenting at how people are screwed up.
not that i'm much better than them in every way.(i still can't win them in terms of hideousness)
nor that there aren't there people who are generally good.

humans are curious creatures. it's their psyche that makes them so.
i swear if i was in in the arts fac, i'd definitely take psychology. (2nd thoughts after hearing all abt the memory work we have to do).

wiser

today i realised i have been wiser.
though still not good enough, as least i can tell what good intention is.
where it matters, words isn't what that matters; other glaring subtle signs are.

and from today, i shall no longer proclaim i'm old..
cos i realised i still far from it..
as old as i am complained to be.. i'm only one step further than the usual kids, nothing more.
but hey look on the bright side.
at least now i learn to be indifferent when the time calls for it.
and detect the mindtraps ppl set.
guilt, contempt, flattery are all many ways that ppl can use to gain something out of another.
i shall try my best not to fall prey to them.
the burning shall continue burning, as the seeking shall continue seeking.
and hope the smiling shall continue smiling.

despise

how do despise and love go hand in hand?
and what is love in the first place?
sad to say it is something i still do not know.
but, i do know what is not love.

Wrecked

while i am not directly killing myself,
letting myself succumb and be dragged to the wrecks is tantamount to it.
what's the diff if i see i;m going towards iminent death and not trying at all to steer away from it?
it's just like when a contract seems doomed, i don't try my best to fight for it to make.
else how can i ever ever make a top board?

sigh.. it's freedom i miss...
what is the difference between a roaming around in an enclosure and being pegged to a chain?
if the creature feels, then there is no difference.

whats the term called when you think you like something?
ah yes i recalled, it's love, the 5th type of love, it's not even eros at best;it's egos.

testing lanes

when a test has been set, done, failed,
there is little point in doing a retest.
yes ppl do change, but when the roots have grown deep, the outcome is often the same.
when is it a good time to face the results.


having seen ppl changing in and out of lane. sometimes i wonder if they know where they are going. keeping to the right lane just cos they see everyone else trying to take the other lane and they all seem to be faster, better there?
or simply too kiasu and worried they won't make it in time to change into the right lane to do a right turn at the junction?
and how about those who change out of the lane cos they realise it's not going the direction they want?
some make it in time, some get stuck and went with the flow to oblivion.
when it calls for a turn, keeping straight will be disaster.
screw the people who honk you from behind, thank and wave to those who give way to you.

Butter

Butter. how apt it is.
fatty. check.
nuah. check.
melts under heat. check.
rich in flavour... half check..

went to butter fact last night.
and to my great surprise, met lam there.
haha.. kinda the last place i'd expect to see him there.
then again, i've seen him at places when i dun really quite expect to see him.
nonetheless, it was good to have him as a friend.
yest really made me miss the good old days, where we all came out simply to have fun.
last night was not that bad.
club hopped to zouk at 3am.
drank long island teas at both clubs, though i din finish the one at zouk =(
guess i'm really getting old. oh wells...
anyw, i wasn't bored, but nor super high.
the only bad thing was we were like headless flies(my bad), and having no particular agenda,
no particular group(unlike deprived army kids let loose from their cage).
else it was another good night =)
it struck me somehow, made me feel like wanting to go out
and have a really fun night! with good friends, good fun, good booze.
should organise one soon.
and save up for it.
such outings are always costly, judging from how i erm.. buy alcohol.. haha

anyhow,
simply looking forward to a uber fun outing. =)

Balance

Finally a balancing opinion. and to think it came from someone whom i never expected it to come from. always thought she was slightly extremist. kudos to her to be able to give such a balanced advice, and no wonder she gets cap5.
i guess all there is now is to watch things unfold.
like H.H. (Hideous Hog, if you do read the griffin series) said.

anyw, long gone are the days where you cross me, i'll make you die.
now the in thing is: cross me, and let's see how you shall die.
oh wells, no more angsty teenage for me.
now, it's all about getting back my sense. and i'd give everything to get it back.