It's time.

perhaps it's time to make a stand.
long i resisted.. hating to turn into the people i dislike and despised.
my complacency and obstinate ways are slowly killing me.
why try so hard to make others like you?
they still treat you nice when they don't (hypocritical bitches pretentiously chummy)
and those that do like you, would have liked you(for their own agenda, out of sincerity or otherwise)

anyw, i never believed in luck. it is simply a group of factors that we can't control or account for directly. but sometimes, believing in such supposedly gives me a better time trying to square things. but deep down i know..there were things there could be done, there were things that should have been done. just dun give anything away, dun be too greedy for things you cannot take. what's cold and meant to be shall not be broken, what's surely down shall never succeed.
but of course, life throws you all sorts of surprises. these come in terms of ppl.
they are the ones who make impossible nothing.
talk about bad bridge players.

for now, i know i suck. sadly, i really do.
but you know what? it's my hobby.

Pits

I think i'm so gonna keep falling in bottomless pits; so far in that i would never realise how much i have fallen till i've for eternity.
it seems like it had always been a choice between the lesser of 2 evils.
an expensive sacrifice had been made, and i shall not let it go to waste.
once decided, stick with it. worked for bridge, and surely hope it works for life.

it's really hard to get someone who truly listens and cares with no motives;
those with no motives rarely are able to go deep enough.
and amidst these voids, i keep screwing up relations.
none of them seem to end peacefully.
they all seem to come at the wrong time, and go the wrong way.

and frankly i feel like a wreck. a working and running motorbike simply waiting there to be scrapped.

anyhow, today's family dinner was crap.
but at least i helped myself make a stand.. amidst the unfriendly comments there were uncalled for..i have come to realise how bad ego can be..where ppl simply must have the last word, and fight teeth and bone to "win" a unilateral imaginary battle. such is a lesson to be learnt myself.
this is part of the growing up process i guess.

still i'm not giving up. i felt sorry for myself when i was giving up during the colours and visions exam. and i shall not do it again.

and now since i'm on at it, i'm gonna give it one good go, albeit the best and the last. hope it would all turn out for the best. not that there would be no hiccups, but all would end well eventually.
else, i shall sadly return to what it originally should have been and walk the path long chosen.

B i love you, and i really mean it. just don't do anymore stupid things k?
and to all my friends, and just to let you all know in case you all din know, i love you all too each one of you in my own way.