What is wrong with me?

You can't please everyone in the world.
But you can piss everyone else off. whatever happened to conservation? or have i lost my mind in the study of science?
Why is it so hard.. i know i am not the best or anywhere near the better.
but am i really that screwed up? so much so that people have to try to pretend to not abhore with all their might.
I just can't let go cos of how things have turned. I regret crossing the line in fool's hope that something good will come out of it. all the more it burns me when i knew exactly what will happen. then again, my sight is limited. for i am too trusting.. too naive to believe people... them, you.. and even more stupid to take things at face value.
I deserve it, i guess. Everything. for not living. for trying to cruise through life, oblivious to the hurtful truth, wishfully thinking that ignorance is bliss, and conveniently trying to forget what was known. foolishly hope that good things will come in the end.
Fate has her funny ways to get at us. an aptly planted reminder, a timely retribution.. merely a few of her ways to throw me back into the abyss.. only to see me slowly and painfully try to crawl my way out. as usual, as always.
i'm sick of this. i want to Live. and i don't want to lose anymore. i don't want to be at the mercy of anyone anymore. perhaps it's gonna take a fight. but i shall not let it go.. else all shall be lost.. and i fall to oblivion to where perhaps, i really belong..

Give me a mentor, a soulmate, a friend! i beseech. because i think i won't be able to move on without one.